What Kind Of Gamer Are You?

The Real Man

The tough macho type who walks up to the attacking dragon and orders
it to leave before he gets hurt.

The Real Roleplayer

The intelligent cunning guy who tricks the constable into letting you
all out of prison.

The Loonie

The guy who will do anything for a cheap laugh, including casting a
fireball at ground zero.

The Munchkin

Need we say more?


=== Player Relationships ===

REAL MEN:
*Real Men* think they're brothers in arms.
*Real Roleplayers* hide behind them.
*Loonies* harass them with stupid suggestions.
*Munchkins* say ``I'm a Real Man, too!''

REAL ROLEPLAYERS:
*Real Men* protect them, on the off chance they may come up with
something useful.
*Real Roleplayers* sigh with relief to know they're not alone,
and then get their characters involved in love affairs
and death feuds.
*Loonies* harass them with stupid suggestions.
*Munchkins* say ``I'm a Real Roleplayer, too!''

LOONIES:
*Real Men* ignore them.
*Real Roleplayers* sometimes harass them back by taking a
stupid suggestion and making it work.
*Loonies* declare a pie fight at 20 paces . . . and cheat.
*Munchkins* try to imitate the jokes, and fall flat.

MUNCHKINS:
*Real Men* attack them on sight.
*Real Roleplayers* trick them into being cannon fodder.
*Loonies* make reasonable-sounding suggestions that will get
the Munchkin killed in an amusing way.
*Munchkins* query, ``What's a Munchkin?''


=== Over-all ===

Favorite FRPG:
*Real Men* play original Dungeons & Dragons
*Real Roleplayers* play RuneQuest III
*Loonies* play Toon
*Munchkins* play anything by TSR

Favorite SFRPG:
*Real Men* play Star Trek: The Roleplaying Game
*Real Roleplayers* play Space Opera
*Loonies* play Teenagers From Outer Space
*Munchkins* play anything by TSR

Favorite Post-Holocaust RPG:
*Real Men* play Twilight 2000
*Real Roleplayers* play The Morrow Project
*Loonies* play Paranoia
*Munchkins* play anything by TSR

Favorite 1920's RPG:
*Real Men* play Gangbusters
*Real Roleplayers* play Call of Cthulhu
*Loonies* play a variant Spawn of Fashan
*Munchkins* play anything by TSR

Favorite SHRPG:
*Real Men* play Champions
*Real Roleplayers* play Superworld
*Loonies* play an extremely variant Spawn of Fashan
*Munchkins* play anything by TSR

Favorite modern day/spy RPG:
*Real Men* play James Bond, 007
*Real Roleplayers* play Justice, Inc.
*Loonies* play an unrecognizable variant Spawn of Fashan
*Munchkins* play anything by TSR

Favorite King Arthurian RPG:
*Real Men* play Chivalry and Sorcery
*Real Roleplayers* play Pendragon
*Loonies* play an extremely unrecognizable variant of Spawn of Fashan
*Munchkins* play anything by TSR

Favorite Silly RPG:
*Real Men* play Macho Women With Guns.
*Real Roleplayers* play Toon/TFOS
*Loonies* play them all, often simultaneously
*Munchkins* don't like silly RPG's.

Favorite Attack Style:
*Real Men* Shout their war cry, and wade into battle.
*Real Roleplayers* parry, counterattack and protect comrade's backs.
*Loonies* throw their sword at opponant, then attack with scabbard
and lunchbox.
*Munchkins* leap in with secret 'twisted lotus' ninja decapitation strike.

Favorite Way to Die:
*Real Men* in battle, with boots on, going down swinging.
*Real Roleplayers* on deathbead, after lengthy dramatic farewell speech.
*Loonies* laughing while jumping into a portable hole, and carrying a
bag of holding.
*Munchkins* Die? You're kidding, right?

Usual Residence:
*Real Men* wherever he hangs up his two-hander
*Real Roleplayers* Elsinor
*Loonies* Toontown
*Munchkins* Valhalla (after kicking out previous occupants)

Favorite Gaming Magazine:
*Real Men* read The General
*Real Roleplayers* read White Wolf
*Loonies* read the last few pages of Dragon
*Munchkins* read anything by TSR


=== Fantasy ===

Favorite Dungeon Activity
*Real Men* fight Dragons as old as the world itself
*Real Roleplayers* bluff the Ogres
*Loonies* tell dirty jokes to Green Slime
*Munchkins* do whatever gives the most experience/rip each other off

Favorite Melee Weapon:
*Real Men* use Pole Axes
*Real Roleplayers* use Rapiers and Main-Gauches
*Loonies* use Stage Knives
*Munchkins* use whatever gives the most plusses

Favorite Thrown Weapon:
*Real Men* throw Spears
*Real Roleplayers* throw Bolas
*Loonies* throw their friends' magic items
*Munchkins* throw whatever gives the most plusses

Favorite Missile Weapon:
*Real Men* shoot Composite Bows
*Real Roleplayers* shoot Crossbows
*Loonies* shoot Catapults loaded with offal
*Munchkins* shoot whatever gives the most plusses

Favorite Improvised Weapon in Barroom Brawl:
*Real Men* use bare hands/tables
*Real Roleplayers* use chairs, chair legs or pokers
*Loonies* use plastic Pepsi bottles or toothpaste
*Munchkins* use, you guessed it, whatever gives the most plusses

Favorite Improvised Thrown Weapons:
*Real Men* throw Munchkins
*Real Roleplayers* throw beer mugs, pool balls and rocks
*Loonies* throw Nerf frisbees
*Munchkins* throw whatever gives the most plusses

Favorite RQ3 Spirit Spell:
*Real Men* cast Bladesharp 10 on their swords
*Real Roleplayers* cast Demoralize on their foes
*Loonies* cast Befuddle on their friends
*Munchkins* cast Fireball

Favorite RQ3 Sorcery Spell:
*Real Men* cast Dominate Human on others
*Real Roleplayers* cast Damage Resistance on their familiars/themselves
*Loonies* cast Dominate Human on themselves
*Munchkins* cast Meteor Swarm

Favorite RQ3 Divine Spell:
*Real Men* cast Berserker on themselves
*Real Roleplayers* cast Heal Body
*Loonies* cast Face Chaos on the Crimson Bat
*Munchkins* cast Timestop

Favorite Alignment:
*Real Men* are Lawful Good
*Real Roleplayers* don't use alignment
*Loonies* are Amoral Silly
*Munchkins* are whatever gives the most plusses

Favorite Religious-type Character:
*Real Men* play Paladins
*Real Roleplayers* play Clerics
*Loonies* play street preachers
*Munchkins* play Demigods

Favorite Non-Human PC:
*Real Men* play Dwarfs
*Real Roleplayers* play Morokanths
*Loonies* play a Dwarf-Elf halfbreed
*Munchkins* play Asmodeus

Favorite Undead to Summon:
*Real Men* summon Ghosts
*Real Roleplayers* summon Wraiths
*Loonies* send in an AD&D troll wearing a sheet
*Munchkins* summon Cerberus

Favorite Way of Extracting Information from the Goblins:
*Real Men* torture them
*Real Roleplayers* cast Legend Lore/Telepathy/Mind Read
*Loonies* tell puns to them
*Munchkins* peek behind the GM's shield

Favorite Way of Dealing with a Dragon:
*Real Men* Slay it. Preferably alone and with bare hands.
(Is this a trick question?)
*Real Roleplayers* Con it out of all its treasure, leaving the dragon
(and the GM) thinking it got the better deal.
*Loonies* Summon the Sta-Puft marshmallow man.
*Munchkins* Kill it, make armor out of the hide, and then resurrect
it as a familiar.

Favorite Demon/Devil:
*Real Men* like Asmodeus
*Real Roleplayers* like Cacodemon
*Loonies* like Spiro Agnew
*Munchkins* like Satan's grandfather

Favorite God:
*Real Men* worship Humakt/Orlanth
*Real Roleplayers* worship Issaries/Lhankor Mhy
*Loonies* worship Hare Krishna
*Munchkins* worship whoever gives the most plusses

Favorite Shield:
*Real Men* wield two-handed weapons
*Real Roleplayers* use a Kite Shield
*Loonies* use a panty shield
*Munchkins* use a Shield of Automatic Parry

Favorite Mount:
*Real Men* ride heavy war horses
*Real Roleplayers* ride palfreys
*Loonies* ride sheep
*Munchkins* ride heavy war tyrannosauri

Favorite NPC:
*Real Men* like Tarl Cabot
*Real Roleplayers* like Medea
*Loonies* like Doctor Who
*Munchkins* like Darth Vader/Teela Brown

Favorite Animal to use as a Familiar:
*Real Men* have Black Cats
*Real Roleplayers* have Owls
*Loonies* have Slugs
*Munchkins* have Ancient Red Dragons

Favorite Kind of Elf:
*Real Men* like the Pinis' elves
*Real Roleplayers* like Tolkien's elves
*Loonies* like Santa's elves
*Munchkins* like Storm Giants with pointed ears

Favorite Kind of Dwarf:
*Real Men* like Tolkien's Dwarfs
*Real Roleplayers* like Glorantha's Dwarfs
*Loonies* like the Seven Dwarfs
*Munchkins* like Earth Elementals with beards

Favorite Food to take on Expeditions:
*Real Men* bring along iron rations
*Real Roleplayers* cast create food and drink
*Loonies* bring along aluminum rations
*Munchkins* no longer need food to live

Favorite Fantasy Author:
*Real Men* read J.R.R. Tolkien ``Lord of the Rings''
*Real Roleplayers* read Robert Asprin's ``Thieves' World'' series
*Loonies* read Robert Asprin's ``Myth'' series
*Munchkins* read E. Gary Gygax

When they encounter a sleeping dragon:
*Real Men* wake it up and THEN attack it.
*Real Roleplayers* sneak away quietly.
*Loonies* tie its shoelaces together.
*Munchkins* kill it instantly and then carry off all its treasure in one
backpack

Favorite Town Activity:
*Real Men* drink ale in the tavern and start bar fights.
*Real Roleplayers* drink wine in the tavern and talk to everyone.
*Loonies* order watermelon daquiris and start food fights.
*Munchkins* say ``What's a town?''

Favorite World/Setting:
*Real Men* play in Sanctuary
*Real Roleplayers* play in Glorantha
*Loonies* play in Southern California
*Munchkins* play wherever has the most magic items


=== Science Fiction ===

Favorite Science Fiction Weapon:
*Real Men* use Laser Pistols/Blasters/Light Sabers
*Real Roleplayers* use Stun Guns/Tanglers
*Loonies* use Thermonuclear Hand Grenades/Tripod Flamers
*Munchkins* use smart bombs

Favorite Method of Handling Alien Monster:
*Real Men* drive off the Bug-Eyed Monsters invading the Earth
*Real Roleplayers* negotiate with the refugees from the evil Empire
*Loonies* hitch a ride with Vogons
*Munchkins* invade the BEMs' home planet and enslave them all

Favorite Science Fiction Movie:
*Real Men* watch the Star Wars films
*Real Roleplayers* watch ``2001: A Space Odyssey/2010: Odyssey Two''
*Loonies* watch ``Spaceballs''
*Munchkins* watch Star Trek-The Motion Picture

Favorite Method of Space Travel:
*Real Men* use Hyperspace/Warp Drive
*Real Roleplayers* use suspended animation
*Loonies* use the Infinite Improbability Drive
*Munchkins* push the button and it goes

Favorite Star to Put a Colony Around:
*Real Men* colonize Beta Lyrae
*Real Roleplayers* colonize Alpha Centauri
*Loonies* colonize Cygnus X-1
*Munchkins* colonize wherever gives the most plusses

Favorite Science Fiction Author:
*Real Men* read Isaac Asimov
*Real Roleplayers* read Arthur C. Clarke
*Loonies* read Douglas Adams
*Munchkins* read E. Gary Gygax

Favorite Monster:
*Real Men* like the Alien
*Real Roleplayers* like the Moties
*Loonies* like the beach ball from Dark Star
*Munchkins* like E.T.

Favorite Variant Human:
*Real Men* play Heavy Worlders
*Real Roleplayers* play Light Worlders/Spacers
*Loonies* play Sex Androids
*Munchkins* play Enhanced Humans with all the advantages


=== AD&D ===

Favorite Spell:
*Real Men* cast Fireball
*Real Roleplayers* cast Find the Path
*Loonies* cast Otto's Irresistible Nose-Picking
*Munchkins* cast Smite Ruler and Transfer Loyalty of Populace

Favorite Psionic Ability:
*Real Men* use Body Weaponry
*Real Roleplayers* use Shape Alteration
*Loonies* use Sea Anemone Hypnosis
*Munchkins* use Assume Godhood

Favorite Specialist Mage:
*Real Men* If they have to play a mage, they'll be an Invoker w/ lots
of fireballs
*Real Roleplayers* play Enchanters
*Loonies* play Illusionists with ventriloquism, audible glamer, and
spectral force; Conjurers specializing in create banana peel spell;
or transmuters specializing in polymorph self into a random object
*Munchkins*: a multi-classed abjurer/conjurer/diviner/enchanter
/illusionist/invoker/necromancer/transmuter

Favorite Miscellaneous Magic Item:
*Real Men* love Adamantine Claws
*Real Roleplayers* love Repulsor Rays
*Loonies* love +3 Kleenex
*Munchkins* love Uru's Hammer

Favorite Potion:
*Real Men* drink potions of Superheroism
*Real Roleplayers* drink potions of Animal/Plant Control
*Loonies* drink potions of Jell-O
*Munchkins* drink potions of Deity Control

Favorite Ring:
*Real Men* wear rings of Elemental Control
*Real Roleplayers* wear rings of Free Action
*Loonies* wear rings of Smurf Control
*Munchkins* wear the One Ring

Favorite Stick (Rod/Staff/Wand):
*Real Men* wield staves of Striking
*Real Roleplayers* wield wands of Healing
*Loonies* wield shower curtain rods
*Munchkins* wield the Wand of Orcus

Favorite Armor:
*Real Men* wear Plate Mail
*Real Roleplayers* wear Elven Chainmail
*Loonies* wear Horse Barding
*Munchkins* wear powered armor

Favorite Helm:
*Real Men* wear a Helm of Brilliance
*Real Roleplayers* wear a Helm of Telepathy
*Loonies* wear a Helm of Blindness (``Works great against medusas'')
*Munchkins* wear a Helm of 360-Degree Vision with Force Field

Favorite Glove/Gauntlet:
*Real Men* fight bare-handed
*Real Roleplayers* wear Gloves of Dexterity
*Loonies* wear THE Glove of Michael Jackson Charisma
*Munchkins* wear Gauntlets of Infinite Ring-Wearing

Favorite Footwear:
*Real Men* wear Seven League Boots
*Real Roleplayers* wear Boots of Stealth
*Loonies* wear bunny slippers
*Munchkins* wear Boots of Infinite Speed


=== Miscellaneous ===

Favorite Bar to Hang Out In:
*Real Men* hang out at the Vulgar Unicorn
*Real Roleplayers* hang out at the White Hart
*Loonies* hang out at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe/
the Floating Vagabond
*Munchkins* hang out wherever they don't get carded

Favorite Superhero:
*Real Men* like Batman (The Dark Knight)
*Real Roleplayers* like Jericho/Sandman
*Loonies* like Bat-Mite/Flaming Carrot/Cutey Bunny
*Munchkins* like Galactus

Favorite Modern weapon:
*Real Men* use .44 Magnums
*Real Roleplayers* use Walther PPKs
*Loonies* use water pistols
*Munchkins* use Infinite-Repeating Uzis

Favorite Actor:
*Real Men* like John Wayne
*Real Roleplayers* like Claus Kinski
*Loonies* like Curly
*Munchkins* watch Saturday-morning cartoons

Favorite Actor to play James Bond:
*Real Men* like Sean Connery
*Real Roleplayers* like George Lazenby
*Loonies* like David Niven
*Munchkins* like Roger Moore

Favorite Card Game:
*Real Men* play Gin
*Real Roleplayers* play Bridge
*Loonies* play Fizzbin/Fungus and Fruitbats
*Munchkins* cheat at Go Fish

Favorite Music:
*Real Men* listen to Led Zeppelin
*Real Roleplayers* listen to 14th-century madrigals
*Loonies* listen to Weird Al Yankovic
*Munchkins* watch MTV

Favorite Magazine:
*Real Men* read Soldier of Fortune and argue about whether the ads
are real.
*Real Roleplayers* read the Journal of Abnormal Psychology and argue
about the point value of disadvantages.
*Loonies* read National Lampoon and bitch about how it's gone downhill.
*Munchkins* read comic books and argue about whether Spider-Man
should have married MJ.

Favorite Convention Activity:
*Real Men* ``Do the Dealer's Room''/hang out in the con suite
*Real Roleplayers* go to seminars/hide in their rooms and play games
*Loonies* play video games/do hoax zines
*Munchkins* run and shout and cut in lines

Favorite Gaming Awards:
*Real Men* vote for the (new) Charles Roberts awards from 3W
*Real Roleplayers* vote for the Origins Awards
*Loonies* come in at the end of the Origins ceremony to vote
on the Silver Hatchets
*Munchkins* vote for the Strategists Club awards

Opinion of Board Games:
*Real Men* love them
*Real Roleplayers* think they don't offer enough options
*Loonies* like to mix and match
*Munchkins* can't figure out the rules

Favorite Type of Dice:
*Real Men* like 20-siders
*Real Roleplayers* use three 6-siders
*Loonies* use 34-sided for everything
*Munchkins* have them all, and like to roll as many as possible


=== Call of Cthulhu ===

Capsule Opinion:
*Real Men* love the challenge of fighting the creatures
*Real Roleplayers* love the challenge of avoiding the creatures
*Loonies* love the insanities
*Munchkins* think you should be able to play Great Old Ones

Favorite Skill:
*Real Men* like Shotgun
*Real Roleplayers* like Library Use
*Loonies* like Head Butt
*Munchkins* like Credit Rating

Favorite Spell:
*Real Men* cast Bless Blade
*Real Roleplayers* cast Elder Sign
*Loonies* cast Pipes of Madness whenever possible
*Munchkins* cast Control Cthulhu

Favorite Monster:
*Real Men* like Deep Ones
*Real Roleplayers* don't like any of them
*Loonies* like Masters of the Universe Slime
*Munchkins* like Azathoth

Favorite Type of Character to Play:
*Real Men* play Private Investigators
*Real Roleplayers* play Professors of Ancient Egyptian Archaeology
*Loonies* play Red Indian Sex Maniacs
*Munchkins* play Magic-Users


=== Paranoia ===

Capsule Opinion:
*Real Men* think the weapons are OK, but hate the background.
*Real Roleplayers* think the campaigns are too short.
*Loonies* think the game isn't funny enough.
*Munchkins* don't think the game is supposed to be funny.

Favorite Service Group:
*Real Men* like Armed Forces.
*Real Roleplayers* like Tech Services and CPU.
*Loonies* like R&D.
*Munchkins* like IntSec.

Favorite Secret Society:
*Real Men* like Anti-Mutant, Frankenstein Destroyers, and PURGE.
*Real Roleplayers* like Free Enterprise and Sierra Club.
*Loonies* like Corpore Metal, Death Leopard, and Mystics.
*Munchkins* like Psion.

Favorite Mutant Power:
*Real Men* like Adrenalin Control.
*Real Roleplayers* like Hypersenses.
*Loonies* like Project Total Chaos.
*Munchkins* like characters with the works.

Favorite Weapon:
*Real Men* like cone rifles.
*Real Roleplayers* like laser pistols.
*Loonies* like chainsaws and anything from R&D.
*Munchkins* like Plasma Generators.

Favorite Target:
*Real Men* shoot Commie Mutant Traitors.
*Real Roleplayers* shoot the Munchkins' characters.
*Loonies* shoot anything fragile-looking.
*Munchkins* shoot anything in sight, starting with the other PCs.

Favorite Mission:
*Real Men* like to hunt down Commie Mutant Traitors.
*Real Roleplayers* like to try to survive the briefing.
*Loonies* like to place themselves under surveillance and report
hourly.
*Munchkins* like to attack a rival Alpha Complex.


=== Teenagers From Outer Space ===

Capsule Opinion:
*Real Men* can't understand the game at all.
*Real Roleplayers* think the game is silly.
*Loonies* think the game is about them.
*Munchkins* want to play their 700-point Champions character.

Favorite Character Type:
*Real Men* play Near Humans.
*Real Roleplayers* play Humans.
*Loonies* play green fuzzy blobs that drip slime.
*Munchkins* play Deities.

Favorite Powers:
*Real Men* have Superspeed, Monster Out, and Superstrength
*Real Roleplayers* have Teleport, Deep Freeze, and Talk to Aliens.
*Loonies* have Bounce, Summon Pizza, and Telephone.
*Munchkins* have all of them.

Favorite Knacks:
*Real Men* like Shoot Big Raygun and Flying Saucer Piloting.
*Real Roleplayers* like Figure Things Out and Look Cool in Shades.
*Loonies* like Weird Science and Eat Anything.
*Munchkins* like Do Anything I Want.

Favorite Weapon:
*Real Men* like Zap Guns.
*Real Roleplayers* like Duplicator Guns.
*Loonies* like Goop Guns and Boy/Girl Guns.
*Munchkins* like AT-AT Walkers.

Favorite Transportation:
*Real Men* use flying saucers.
*Real Roleplayers* use the Number 42 Crosstown Expedience Route.
*Loonies* use Rocket Sneakers.
*Munchkins* use Battlestars.


=== Champions ===

Capsule Opinion:
*Real Men* think this is how the world *should* be.
*Real Roleplayers* think there's too much combat.
*Loonies* think it's a great system for simulating reality.
*Munchkins* think starting characters don't have enough points.

Favorite Character Type:
*Real Men* like Bricks.
*Real Roleplayers* like Mentalists.
*Loonies* like Cream-Puff Projectors.
*Munchkins* like visiting Gods.

Favorite Power:
*Real Men* like Damage Resistance.
*Real Roleplayers* like Telepathy.
*Loonies* like Instant Change, Usable on Others.
*Munchkins* like Autofire Find Weakness.

Favorite Attribute:
*Real Men* like Strength.
*Real Roleplayers* like Ego.
*Loonies* like Comeliness.
*Munchkins* like Speed.

Favorite Disadvantage:
*Real Men* like Berserk.
*Real Roleplayers* like Psychological Limitations.
*Loonies* like Dependency on Spinach Egg Noodles.
*Munchkins* like Unusual Looks.

Favorite Power Limitation:
*Real Men* like Always On.
*Real Roleplayers* like Limited Uses.
*Loonies* like Activation on 8-.
*Munchkins* like Focus and Multipower.

Tactics in Hostage Situations:
*Real Men* demonstrate what'll happen to villians who injure hostages.
*Real Roleplayers* create an illusion of the hostages getting away.
*Loonies* taunt the villians.
*Munchkins* use their 10D6 Area Effect Armor Piercing RKA on the whole
block and then resurrect the hostages


=== Villains and Vigilantes ===

Capsule Opinion:
*Real *Men* don't like to adhere to the Superhero Code enforced by
the government.
*Real Roleplayers* join the government peacekeeping force.
*Loonies* represent themselves at their trials.
*Munchkins* are above the Superhero Code (aren't they?)

Favorite Character Type:
*Real Men* play 600 pound Bricks.
*Real Roleplayers* play telepaths.
*Loonies* play insane androids.
*Munchkins* play alien sorcerers.

Favorite Power:
*Real Men* like Invulnerability and Armor A.
*Real Roleplayers* like Psionics.
*Loonies* like Mutant Power.
*Munchkins* like Power Absorption.

Favorite Ability Score:
*Real Men* like Endurance.
*Real Roleplayers* like Intelligence.
*Loonies* like Charisma.
*Munchkins* like Agility.

Favorite Weakness:
*Real Men* like Mute.
*Real Roleplayers* like Physical Handicap.
*Real Loonies* like Psychosis.
*Real Munchkins* ``What weaknesses?''

Favorite Battle Tactics:
*Real Men* pound villains into the ground or throw buses.
*Real Roleplayers* wear their opponents down before finishing them off.
*Loonies* dump a bucket of Cool Whip on a villain's head and talk about
Planet of the Apes.
*Munchkins* negate their friend's attacks so they get all the experience
themselves.

Favorite Combat Maneuver:
*Real Men* like the Fastball Special.
*Real Roleplayers* like to trick villains into attacking each other
instead of the heroes.
*Loonies* like to trick the other heroes into attacking each other
instead of the villains
*Munchkins* like Multiple Weakness Detection.

Favorite Canned Adventure:
*Real Men* like Death Duel with the Destroyers.
*Real Roleplayers* like FORCE.
*Loonies* like The Dawn of DNA.
*Munchkins* like Devil's Domain and Dawn of the Devil.

Favorite Member of the Crushers:
*Real Men* like Bull.
*Real Roleplayers* like FIST.
*Loonies* like Mocker.
*Munchkins* like Mercury Mercenary.

Favorite Member of the Crusaders:
*Real Men* like Enforcer.
*Real Roleplayers* like Dreamweaver.
*Loonies* like Laserfire.
*Munchkins* think the Crusaders are wimps.

Favorite Member of the Destroyers:
*Real Men* like Behemoth.
*Real Roleplayers* like Iron Maiden.
*Loonies* like Ratman.
*Munchkins* like Annihilator.

Favorite Member of the Errants:
*Real Men* like Adonis.
*Real Roleplayers* like Cockroach.
*Loonies* like Shee-Ariel.
*Munchkins* like Dr. DNA.

Favorite Member of the Force:
*Real Men* like Mister Magnum.
*Real Roleplayers* like Shadarkos.
*Loonies* like Cicada.
*Munchkins* like FORCE.


=== Fantasy HERO ===

Capsule Opinion:
*Real Men* like how expensive magic is.
*Real Roleplayers* don't like how expensive magic is.
*Loonies* like the bizzare disadvantages you can create.
*Munchkins* like the crossover from Champions.

Character Type:
*Real Men* play Dwarven Knights.
*Real Roleplayers* play Elven Mages.
*Loonies* play Halfling Knights.
*Munchkins* play their Champions characters.

Favorite Spell Limitations:
*Real Men* wish there weren't any, so magic would be even more
expensive.
*Real Roleplayers* like Gestures, Incantation, and Concentrate.
*Loonies* like Side Effects.
*Munchkins* use the Champions rules.

Favorite Spells:
*Real Men* like any kind of magic greatsword.
*Real Roleplayers* like Percieve and Illusions.
*Loonies* like Dominate usable on Self Only.
*Munchkins* like Blast, Variable Advantage, Reduced END to zero.


=== GURPS ===

Capsule Opinion:
*Real Men* think there aren't enough combats.
*Real Roleplayers* think there aren't enough supplements.
*Loonies* think there aren't enough disadvantages.
*Munchkins* think there aren't enough hit points.

Favorite Advantages:
*Real Men* like Combat Reflexes, Strong Will, High Pain Threshold and
Toughness.
*Real Roleplayers* like Charisma, Danger Sense, Empathy, Literacy and
Voice.
*Loonies* like Luck, Absolute Timing and Unusual Background.
*Munchkins* like Magery 3, Patron (God), and PK (80).

Favorite Disadvantages:
*Real Men* like Gigantism and Berserk
*Real Roleplayers* like Sense of Duty and Poverty
*Loonies* like Severe Delusions, Severe Phobias, Split Personality,
Total Pacifism and Berserk - all at the same time.
*Munchkins* like Enemies and Dependents (for the points).

Favorite Skills:
*Real Men* like Brawling, Two-Handed Sword, Broadsword and Shield.
*Real Roleplayers* like Acting, Bard, Detect Lies, Diplomacy,
Fast-Talk, Merchant, Savoir-Faire and Streetwise.
*Loonies* like to use ALL skills at a default level of 5.
*Munchkins* like Fast-Talk GM and Whine.

Favorite Overall Spell:
*Real Men* don't use magic, but they'll let the mage cast Hawk Flight
on them so they can pursue the foe
*Real Roleplayers* cast Lend Language on the strangers they meet
*Loonies* cast Mystic Mist in the town square
*Munchkins* cast Enslave on the city guard

Favorite Combat Spell:
*Real Men* don't use magic.
*Real Roleplayers* cast Blur and Flash.
*Loonies* cast Create Object (cream pies)
*Munchkins* cast Armor, Shield, Invisibility and Deathtouch.

Favorite Non-Combat Spell:
*Real Men* still don't use magic.
*Real Roleplayers* cast Major Healing.
*Loonies* cast Drunkenness on the other PCs.
*Munchkins* cast Linking spells on everything they own.

Favorite Supplement:
*Real Men* like Horseclans and Ice Age.
*Real Roleplayers* like Space, Horror and Japan.
*Loonies* like Toon.
*Munchkins* like Fantasy, Horror and Autoduel - in the same game.

Favorite TOON Character:
*Real Men* play Carnivores.
*Real Role-Players* play Herbivores.
*Loonies* play Richard Nixon.
*Munchkins* build an unfathomably powerful character.

Supplement Most Wanted:
*Real Men* want World War II.
*Real Roleplayers* want 2001
*Loonies* want Pet Rocks
*Munchkins* want Deities


=== Storyteller ===

Capsule Opinion:
*Real Men*
*Real Roleplayers*
*Loonies*
*Munchkins*

Favorite Vampires:
*Real Men* play 13th generation Brujah Rebels
*Real Roleplayers* play 14th generation Tremere or Ventrue Architects
*Loonies* play 14th generation Malkavian Anti-tribu Visionaries
*Munchkins* play Caitiff Antidiluvians

Favorite Vampire Food:
*Real Men* eat dope-dealers and other assorted criminals.
*Real Roleplayers* agonize over it, eat their friends in a frenzy and
lose Humanity points.
*Loonies* eat flies.
*Munchkins* eat Caine.

Favorite Dialblerie:
*Real Men* diablerize Tremeres and Sabbat.
*Real Roleplayers* agonize over it, diablerize their sires, and lose
Humanity points.
*Loonies* diablerize themselves, agonize over it and enter Torpor.
*Munchkins* eat Caine.

Favorite Ghoul:
*Real Men* need no ghouls.
*Real Roleplayers* agonize over it, ghoul politicians and lose humanity.
*Loonies* ghoul Wall-Mart cashiers.
*Munchkins* ghoul the entire Tremere clan.

Favorite Sourcebooks:
*Real Men* like Clan Brujah.
*Real Roleplayers* say ``I don't NEED a sourcebook'', buy the books
anyway and lose Humanity points.
*Loonies* like Count Duckula
*Munchkins* like the Mummies.

Favorite Werewolves:
*Real Men* play Get of Fenris Ahroun with Fang Daggers
*Real Roleplayers* play Uktena Theurges with Baneskins
*Loonies* play a hairy bag-lady with a shopping cart
*Munchkins* play a Major Incarna with a Silver Sword

Favorite Totems
*Real Men* align with The Stag
*Real Roleplayers* align with Coyote
*Loonies* align with the harmonic convergence
*Munchkins* align with themselves.

View the Umbra as...
*Real Men* view the Umbra as the True World.
*Real Roleplayers* view the Umbra as the shadowy pictures from Plato's
Allegory of the Cave.
*Loonies* view the Umbra from a padded cell.
*Munchkins* view the Umbra as their kingdom.

Favorite Weapon
*Real Men* need no weapons.
*Real Roleplayers* carry their ancestor's klaive.
*Loonies* carry a tune.
*Munchkins* carry a silver sword, two klaives, a fang dagger,
an Atchison with 20 rounds of silver-phosphate and a
thermite grenade.


=== Ars Magica ===

Capsule Opinion:
*Real Men* think there aren't enough combats
*Real Roleplayers* like the setting
*Loonies* like the myriad of possible spell effects
*Munchkins* think magi aren't powerful enough.

Advantages of the setting:
*Real Men* like the Crusades
*Real Roleplayers* like the richness of the paradigm
*Loonies* like mendicant monks
*Munchkins* like being able to look up the answers

Advantages of the game:
*Real Men* like _starting_ with battle-worthy wizards
*Real Roleplayers* like the long-term character development
*Loonies* like the chance to make the Crown-prince think he's a slug
*Munchkins* like being able to spont level 80 spells

Problems with the game:
*Real Men* think the Code of Hermes is too restrictive
*Real Roleplayers* think there aren't enough flaw points to define their
characters
*Loonies* think there aren't enough ways to pull pranks on the mundanes
*Munchkins* think longevity potions don't last long enough

Favorite Houses:
*Real Men* join House Flambeau or House Tytalus
*Real Roleplayers* join House Jerbiton
*Loonies* join House Criamon or House Merinita
*Munchkins* join House Bjornaer

Favorite Variant Magi:
*Real Men* don't do variant magi
*Real Roleplayers* play Shamans
*Loonies* play Faerie Companions
*Munchkins* play Diabolists

Favorite Virtues for Magi:
*Real Men* have an affinity with Ignem or Perdo
*Real Roleplayers* have the Gentle Gift
*Loonies* have Withstand Magic and Berserk
*Munchkins* have Heartbeast - Great Worm of the Pyrenees

Favorite Flaws for Magi:
*Real Men* take Fury
*Real Roleplayers* take Sense of Doom
*Loonies* take Magic Addiction, Lack of Concentration and Chaotic Magic.
*Munchkins* don't understand the concept

Means of overcoming flaws:
*Real Men* kill their Enemies
*Real Roleplayers* join monasteries
*Loonies* use self-flagellation
*Munchkins* seem to have lost that bit of paper

Favorite Companions:
*Real Men* play crusading knights
*Real Roleplayers* play wandering friars
*Loonies* play time-travelling Californians
*Munchkins* play Richard the Lionhearted

Favorite lab work:
*Real Men* find it too fiddly, and stick to the library
*Real Roleplayers* take familiars and apprentices
*Loonies* use experimentation with vis
*Munchkins* invent 'Cleanse the Verminous Infestation of People'

Favorite Spell:
*Real Men* cast Pilum of Fire
*Real Roleplayers* cast Frosty Breath of the Spoken Lie
*Loonies* cast Confusion of the Insane Vibrations near a clifftop
*Munchkins* cast Opening the Earth's Pore

Favorite Skill:
*Real Men* like Penetration
*Real Roleplayers* like Guile
*Loonies* like Scribe Pig-Latin
*Munchkins* like Affinity - everything

Favorite Rule:
*Real Men* like open-ended die rolls
*Real Roleplayers* like personality traits
*Loonies* like botches
*Munchkins* like spontaneous magic

Favorite Quotes:
*Real Men* say ``I kill demons and eat them for breakfast.''
*Real Roleplayers* say ``How can you believe him? He's a Christian!''
*Loonies* say ``I healed the dog. I took his toe nails.''
*Munchkins* say ``Certamen!''

=== Computer Use ===

Operating Systems:

Personal computers:
*Real Men* Use MS-DOS
*Real Roleplayers* Use OS/2
*Loonies* Program their calculator to run PC software
*Munchkins* Use Nintendo

Big computers:
*Real Men* Use VMS, and write everything in FORTRAN
*Real Roleplayers* Use Unix, and incorporate other people's C code
*Loonies* Use a Turing machine
*Munchkins* Use Nintendo

Unix:

Favorite flavor of Unix:
*Real Men* Use System V
*Real Roleplayers* Use BSD
*Loonies* Port Linux to their Sparcstation
*Munchkins* Use AIX

Favorite Shell:
*Real Men* Use the Bourne Shell
*Real Roleplayers* Use tcsh
*Loonies* Use cat > /dev/null
*Munchkins* Use simulated Macintosh environments

Favorite method of computer use:
*Real Men* Use the assembler to do everything
*Real Roleplayers* Use perl and C to do everything
*Loonies* Write everything in Postscript
*Munchkins* Just run what they buy

Favorite editor:
*Real Men* Use vi
*Real Roleplayers* Use emacs
*Loonies* Use dd of=/dev/sd0a
*Munchkins* Use Microsoft Word

Favorite Unix program:
*Real Men* Use "ln -s stdin.c `tty` ; cc stdin.c"
*Real Roleplayers* Do "nn 'rec.games.frp.*'"
*Loonies* Run "yes | wall"
*Munchkins* Try "dir"

Favorite programming languages:
*Real Men* Use Fortran and C.
*Real Roleplayers* Use SML, Prolog, and Common Lisp Object System
*Loonies* Write punch card readers in Algol, APL, and TICO
*Munchkins* Use Basic, when they can figure it out.