Zen Sarcasm

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me either.
Just pretty much leave alone.>>

2. The journey of a thousand miles
begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.>>

3. It's always darkest before dawn.
So if you're going to steal your neighbors' newspaper,
that's the time to do it.>>

4. Don't be irreplaceable.
If you can't be replaced,
you can't be promoted.>>

5. Always remember that you're unique.
Just like everyone else.>>

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.>>

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive,
try missing a couple of car payments.>>

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them,
you're a mile away and you have their shoes.>>

9. If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.>>

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink coke all day.>>

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again,
it was probably worth it.>>

12. If you tell the truth,
you don't have to remember anything.>>

13. Some days you're the bug;
some days you're the windshield.>>

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.>>
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.>>

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.>>

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.>>

18. There are two theories to arguing with women.
Neither one works.>>

19. Generally speaking,
you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.>>

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.>>

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.>>

22. Never, under any circumstances,
take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.